At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the […]...

This one is cute and funny! _______________________________________________ Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office. The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says, “What’s the first thing you see when you look at me?” The guy says, “That’s not too hard, you’ve got no ears.” The […]...

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She […]...

A policeman parked his police van in front of the station.  While gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner Tops was barking and he saw a little boy staring in at him. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” the policeman replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at him and towards […]...

Computers can never replace humans. They may become capable of artificial intelligence, but they will never master real stupidity. Joke courtesy of AJokeADay.com....

Peter says. Doctor, I see double! Sit on the chair please the doctor says. Which one? Peter replied. Joke courtesy of AJokeADay.com....

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it; Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!” Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, “Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” The newsboy ignored him and went on calling […]...

The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some […]...

A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying […]...

Mrs. Smith’s elderly husband doesn’t feel well so she takes him to the dr. Mr. Smith leaves her in the waiting room for a while. Finally the Dr. comes and says, “Mrs. Smith I’m sorry to tell you that your husband is going to die.” Mrs. Smith says, “Dr. is there anything I can do?” […]...

An elderly couple is sitting in church and they’re singing with the congregation.  The song ends and the congregation sits down.  The old woman writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to her husband.  The note reads: “I just let a silent fart.  What should I do?” The husband writes a response […]...

Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz? She had three men giving her directions. Joke of the Day is courtesy of aJokeADay.com....

Three vampires walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them suspiciously, but decides to serve them anyway. “What’ll be, boys?” The first vampire says “Blood. Give me blood.” The second vampire says “I too wish for blood!” The third vampire says “Give me plasma.” The Bartender smiles and says “Got it. Two bloods, an...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the […]...

A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address. In Boston, a […]...

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same […]...

MAN: 1) Pull up to machine 2) Wind window down 3) Insert ATM card, enter PIN 4) Retrieve cash 5) Drive away WOMAN: 1) Pull up to machine 2) Open door (too far away from machine) 3) Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card 4) Do make up, apply lipstick, […]...

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.” The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.” Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m a seaman, second class,” comes […]...

A young child walked up to her mother and stared at her hair. As mother scrubbed on the dishes, the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked; “Why do you have some grey strands in your hair?” The mother paused and looked at her daughter. “Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey […]...