10 Smart Ways to Improve Your Struggling Love Life
Today, on Redhead Mom, I’m sharing a partnered guest post about 10 smart ways to improve your struggling love life.
Source: Helena Lopes on Pexels
Love is wonderful. Love is powerful. Love is the world’s greatest gift.
But love can also be a pain.
And marriage? Well, that’s plain hard work.
(The old folks are probably nodding in agreement while the young are trying to recite their best lines from The Notebook while sticking fingers in their ears).
Sure, love is beautiful, but the truth is, people are struggling to make it work, every day.
Relationships can start on a great note only for the fire to fade off down the line.
How do you ensure the fire of love keeps burning forever?
How do you make your partner fall in love with you every day?
Keep reading to turn your love life from boring to super awesome.
This guide is for those already in a relationship looking for ways to make it more exciting.
But if you’re single don’t worry. You can still read this guide to get prepared and don’t forget to check out the following dating sites with free trials.
Here are proven ways to improve your love life:
1. Skip the Small Talk
Let me ask you this question, do you know your partner well?
I mean, do you really know them on a deeper level? Their likes, dislikes, regrets, trauma, dreams, passions, and their greatest desires?
You want to know your partner better so you can love them the best way possible and not lose them?
Then don’t waste the precious hours of life by asking dull questions like their favorite color, the weather, or commute times.
Instead, dive deep by asking meaningful questions, such as:
- What things are you most passionate about in life?
- What’s that one behavior that you won’t tolerate at all?
- If you woke one day without fear, what would be your first thing to do?
- When it comes to making decisions, do you often follow your heart or your head?
On Your Relationship
- If you were to change one thing about this relationship, what would it be?
- What’s that thing about me that made you fall in love the first time?
- What’s that memory about us that you consider the best?
- What’s that secret you’ve always wanted to reveal to me, but haven’t?
- What’s the best non-physical quality about me that you love most?
On the Past
- How have you changed over the last five years?
- What’s that important lesson in life you’ve ever learnt?
- What are some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned from past relationships?
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Fight in Your Relationship (or Fight for It)
Sure. Excessive fighting can cause couples to go separate ways.
But do you know what else can cause a split?
Too little fighting.
Here’s an interesting finding:
According to psychologists, there are seven keys to happy and healthy relationships, and arguing is one of them.
Constantly avoiding conflict isn’t the best way to build a lasting relationship.
But, if you can speak your mind openly during an argument, it shows you’re willing to take the relationship to a new level.
And by fighting, it doesn’t mean you yell at your partner, launch personal attacks, or turn physical.
Instead, mature people engage in a healthy argument and try to strike a compromise, which ultimately improves their relationship.
But how do you argue without letting it get into a damn big fight?
Tips to turn any argument into a healthy discussion:
- Respect your partner – don’t say things that may cause an irreversible hurt
- Apologize if you’re wrong
- Stick to the point without bringing up your partner’s previous mistakes or the experience of your past relationships.
- Don’t bring in third parties – Introducing your relatives and friends into the argument can be disrespectful to your partner
So, fighting is important in a relationship because it means you care, makes communication easier, and strengthens your bond.
3. Communicate often
Communication is the meat and potatoes of a healthy relationship.
Make communication a priority whether your partner is far or not.
How should you communicate?
There are two ways of communicating with the person you love: the right way and the wrong way.
Let’s break it down.
The right way to communicate is where you ask a question, listen to your partner’s response and then offer your opinion.
On the other hand, the wrong way to communicate is where you overwhelm your partner with your worries and irritations as soon as they come home from a long workday.
The best way is to engage your significant other in a conversation they’ll like.
In other words, ask questions they’ll be interested in. Generally, people tend to open up when you ask about their day, feelings, an important project, and more.
After listening to the story, chime in with your side of the story.
But for heaven’s sake, try to avoid heavy conversations when someone is stressed or highly emotional. In that case, calm down and revisit the subject later.
And always plant seeds you’d like to see grow. Simply put, avoid belittling remarks, insults, and derogatory comments. Only use a language that you’re sure can build a relationship.
4. Do Something Special with Your Partner
Do you remember the first place you guys met? Or the place you had your first kiss?
Visit that place one of these weekends and you’ll be surprised at the impact.
Being in a physical spot where you’ve got vivid memories of strong attachment may just reignite the passion.
Here’s another creative idea:
Try something you haven’t done before.
No, you don’t have to board a flight to the Niagara Falls to make your loved one happy (although that can be a fantastic idea).
But it’s the simple things that count, most of the time.
How about sitting on the park bench and holding hands as you watch the children play?
That alone can change your love life from mundane to striking hot.
The excitement of trying something new is known to trigger the production of dopamine and serotonin in our brains. These two happy hormones can do magic in rekindling the fire of your love.
Whether you try something new or go to a place you first fell in love, try to focus on reconnecting with each other.
5. Don’t Stonewall
So, she said something you didn’t like during your phone conversation yesterday and now you don’t want to talk to her?
That strategy might work in the short-term by making the other person feel guilty and want to mend things.
But once you start relying on it as your go-to formula for settling differences, it might just kill the relationship.
Eventually, people get tired, remember?
Stonewalling refers to stalling, ignoring, and refusing to participate in a bid to punish your partner or make them feel guilty for something they did wrong.
In every disagreement that arises between two people, one person is not to blame 100%. Both of you contributed to the problem at varying proportions.
That’s why it’s not OK to stonewall your significant other.
Sure stonewalling is a smart power play aimed at breaking the opposition down.
Unfortunately, it puts a relationship in a “me versus you” dynamic when it should always be “us versus the world” scenario.
6. Know This: The Blame Game Has No Winner
Have you ever dated someone who kept blaming you for everything?
- They stand you up on a date but still blame you showing up too early.
- They burn pancakes for breakfast and still blame you for engaging them in a conversation that made them lose concentration.
- They speak rudely to you and complain when you question them
- They go out and return the following day, but scream at you for asking about their whereabouts
Or maybe, it’s the other way round: you’ve always found a reason to blame your partner for any wrong that happens between you two.
Well, either way, no one wins the blame game.
Plus blaming someone for everything, including your own mistakes, is the highest level of manipulation. It makes you an angel and the other person imperfect.
And no one wants that.
So, if that has been the case, you may want to start approaching things a bit differently.
If you make a mistake, be the first to apologize without defending yourself. It will make your partner feel safe.
There’s nothing more attractive than showing your human side.
7. Keep Third Parties Out of It
I know how tempting it is to text your closest friend and tell them how bad your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse is.
Sure, you might have had a fight, but you don’t have to broadcast it.
Often, it’s the external voices that penetrate into a private relationship and brew toxicity.
There’s nothing wrong with telling your friends and relatives about your relationship. But when you discover a certain person is damaging your relationship, it’s best to keep them out.
Keep the relationship private and if you must divulge details to the outside, do it cautiously.
The outside world is full of both secret admirers and malicious folks, so you’d rather keep things to yourselves.
It’s best to open up to your partner and confess any concerns to him or her.
8. Say “Thank You” for Those Little Things
Did your partner come home earlier than the previous days? Thank them
Did she tidy the kitchen after a meal? Verbally thank her.
Did he shave his hair in a presentable way? Appreciate him.
Did she ignore your texts the whole day? Thank her (OK, maybe not, but you get the idea!)
Simply put, don’t just sit there and silently observe your partner’s positive deeds. Verbally appreciate him or her.
Appreciating people makes them feel confident, loved, and respected. It makes them value you more.
9. Be Open
Revealing the skeletons in your closet isn’t the sexiest thing in a relationship.
Sometimes we have secrets that we don’t wish our partners knew because if they do, they might leave us for someone else.
This is completely normal. Some things should only be kept to ourselves.
But here’s the major problem with that:
What if your partner comes to know about those secrets through some other means? Most likely unexpected consequences, right?
Honesty can work like charm in your partner’s view of you.
Sharing a secret with your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or partner may just trigger them to open up to you.
10. Forgive Each Other
We all have different versions of forgiveness.
Forgiveness means detaching from anger, bitterness, and animosity that may be holding you back from getting along with your partner.
It doesn’t mean permitting the other person to mistreat you.
Keep reminding yourself that what happened, happened, and you don’t need to drag it into the present or future.
Here’s something important about forgiveness:
It’s a process and not a result. Thus carry out small activities on a daily basis that reflect your intention to pardon.
While you must never remain in an abusive relationship, you can do something to save a dying relationship.
Take a minute and think about the things jeopardizing your love life and use the above tips to improve your struggling relationship.
Invest in your relationship and you’ll soon reap the benefits of a strong loving bond.